All parents try their hardest to be the best parents for their kids. But more often than not, things won’t always go your way. A clash of personalities and differences in views and opinions can lead to kids growing resentment towards their parents. You may have made decisions that could have hurt your kids. But there are things you can do to save your relationship with your grown-up kids now that they are more mature.
You can never go back in time to correct yourself for everything you did wrong when parenting your kids. But what’s important is your willingness to make amends while you still have time. Here are some dos and don’ts you need to keep in mind to become better a parent to your grown-up kids.
Don’t Be Your Adult Kids’ CEO
Many parents think just because they are their kids’ elders, they still get to make the most important decisions concerning their children’s lives. Remember that your family is not a business, you are not a CEO, and your adult kids are not your employees. You don’t get to run their lives and be in charge of having the last say.
Parents of adult kids should act as confidants. You should be one of the people your kids can talk to in times they needed it the most. Be there to listen, don’t judge, and only give your two cents when they as for it.
For instance, you adult kids are sick and tired of their career. They wish to acquire a better position, but they don’t know how to do it. Before you offer advice, ask them if they mind you offering a few pieces of advice.
If they are willing to listen to your recommendations, you can tell them about a few courses they can take, so they can acquire the right skills needed to step up on their career. This can include a non-thesis program in MBA. Let them know about the perks of networking and suggest a few ways they can expand their network.
Accept That They Now Have their Own Lives
Your children may love following everything you ask them to do when they were younger. Now that they are full-grown adults, they now have their own opinions, goals, feelings, and lives. You can’t simply expect them to listen to everything you have to say or even accept your apologies asap.
Manage your expectations and accept the reality that your kids now get to live their own lives. They are capable of feeling and their emotions are valid. They also have other commitments which they need to attend to.
So, if you invite them over during the holidays, don’t be disappointed if they can stay the night. Thank them instead for making time for you. There is no point in arguing as it will only lead to further conflicts.
Don’t Invade Their Space and Privacy
Adults value their privacy. If you don’t want your kids to overstep boundaries, don’t do the same to them. Even if they are still living under your wing, be sure to provide them with enough space and privacy.
These days many adult children are living once more with their parents. The rise of boomerang kids pave way for the increase of multigenerational households. But remember that healthy boundaries should be kept in place.
If there are some don’ts you ought to keep in mind, these are some of them.
- Don’t bug them about getting married ad having kids before you pass away
- Don’t’ simply go to their room or visit their house without announcing beforehand
- Never make them choose between their family and you
- Don’t be hostile against their significant others
- Don’t pry on things they don’t want you to know about
Be Thoughtful When You Ask for Forgiveness
Even the best parents can hurt their kids in one way or another. So, be sure to apologize when you’re ready. Do it in a thoughtful way.
Stop thinking that just because you have good intentions, your kids don’t have the right to feel hurt. Recognize their feelings and validate their feelings. Stop making excuses and focus on their feelings.
For instance, your kids are hurt that you never had the time to be there for every family activity in school. Interrupting them while they tell their side of the story only shows you don’t respect their feelings and their time. Stop sharing excuses, say you’re sorry, that you never wanted them to feel that way, and that you never knew that for them, it still matters up to this day.
Focus on healing their scars. Stop trying to put a band-aid on their bruises with your reasons unless they ask for it. Work on catching up and building better memories instead of living in the past.
Parenting adult kids can be tough. You will find it harder if you have a rough relationship in the past. You, too, can still turn things around. Know that it may take time before your kids can forgive you for all the hurt they experienced in the past. But chances are, there is still to make amends if you do the right moves.